- "Philosophers have been speculating on the rules of human relationships for thousands of years, and out of all that speculation, there has evolved only one important precept. It is not new. It is as old as history. Zoroaster taught it to his followers in Persia twenty five hundred years ago. Confucius preached it in China twenty-four centuries ago. Lao-tse, the founder of Taoism, taught it to his disciples in the Valley of the Han.Buddha preached it on the bank of the Holy Ganges five hundred years before Christ. The sacred books of Hinduism taught it a thousand years before that. Jesus taught it among the stony hills of Judea nineteen centuries. Jesus summed it up in one thought-probably the most important rule in the world: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."
That statement is my "Holy Grail" of becoming enlightened and being a better person. The Bible is a thick book but this one statement really sums up what would make the world a much more peaceful place.
It seems a difficult task when I am trying to crank out the things at work or need an answer to satisfy a relentless customer. When I went back to work after my mothers funeral and was confronted by someone who was impatience or unreasonable, I would say to myself; "How would I treat this person if I knew their mother had just died." It helped to soften me up and give them a little more room.
- "Everyone who was ever a guest of Theodore Roosevelt was astonished at the range and diversity of his knowledge. Whether his visitor was a cowboy or a Rough Rider, a New York politician or a diplomat, Roosevelt knew what to say. And how was it done? The answer is simple. Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested. For Roosevelt knew, as all leaders know, that the royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most."
A salesman had tried every sales technique to get the bread sells of a local hotel manager for four years. He went to the same social functions the manager attended. He even rented rooms in the hotel and lived there for a time. But he failed.
He finally changed his tactics and learn that the manager belonged to a society of hotel executives called the Hotel Greeters of America. He not only belonged but was president of the organization. So the next day the salesman began talking about the Greeters. The manager talked to him for over half and hour and before the salesman left he had joined the Greeters. Never was the topic of bread sales discussed. After a few days, the steward of the hotel phoned the salesman to come over with samples and prices. "I don't know what you did to the old boy, the steward said, but he is sure sold on you!" After four years, one conversation about what the manager was interested in is all it took to get the sale.
It would be nice if everyone took the time to get to know a small fact that interest other people that they have interactions with. It seems it would make communication a lot easier and less tense.
- "I met a distinguished botanist at a dinner party given by a New York book publisher. I had never talked with a botanist before, and I found him fascinating,. I literally sat on the edge of my chair and listened while he spoke of exotic plants and experiments in developing new forms of plant life and indoor gardens (and even told me astonishing facts about the humble potato). I had a small indoor garden of my own-and he was good enough to tell me how to solve some of my problems. Midnight came. I said good night to everyone and departed. The botanist then turned to our host and paid me several flattering complements. I was "most stimulating." I was this and I was that and he ended by saying I was a "most interesting conversationalist." An interesting conversationalist? Why. I has said hardly anything at all. But I had done this: I has listened intently. I had listened because I was genuinely interested. And he felt it."
As an introvert I can see where this principle can be of great benefit. A lot of party or group conversations seem to revolve around people trying to "one-up" each other. When I'm in a group of people I don't know I tend to just hang back and because of being anxious try to avoid one on one conversations.
And as Dale Carnegie shows in the book, it is also a great way to deal with unhappy costumers. He tells several stories of how non-defensive listening calmed and satisfied irate costumers. For me it is extremely difficult to not be defensive when someone is launching an unprovoked attack. One way I see to approach this is to take the situation as I am the one that can solve their problem. They have waded through the swamp of incompetence and have finally made it to the person that can help. But, they must tell of the horrible journey to get there. (And knowing some of the people they've had to deal with before they got to me, I would feel the same way).
- "If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other persons is talking, don't wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence. People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves. So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener."
Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.